Moan for me like Helen Keller
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize