my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Boobs speak an international language.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
