At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
