I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
