oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I met the friendliest cop last night
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
