Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
