and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
