the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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