well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
