but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
