How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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