Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
