i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
