She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
