You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
