i don't like sucking hair
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize