pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
