she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
