So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
