Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
