Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
