I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
