how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
