Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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