Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
