we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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