also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
