Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
