I'm sorry my penis didn't work
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Farmville is her only friend.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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