How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
