So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
