I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
