so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
