I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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