i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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