on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
