don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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