Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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