He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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