OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
