Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
