your parents love me but you hate me
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
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