Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
