i think my tv is drunk
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
