Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize