This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
