508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize