she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
