One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
