I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize