Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
