Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
