So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
