You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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