fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
