there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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