im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
