She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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