I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
