So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
