Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
