Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
