Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
