she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
