plz talk dirty to me
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
