any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
pray to the hookup gods
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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