If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
