The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
