That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Dignity is for republicans.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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