I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
