I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
