either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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