I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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