maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
