Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
