can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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