Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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