Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Drake has all the answers
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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