Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
