If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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