I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
