Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
