We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
