I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
