just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
im holly from the hills drunk
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
