Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Randomize
