Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
