Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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