So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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