I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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