If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
