Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize