Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
If I die, sorry about rent.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
