btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
