if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
