I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
