Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
