Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize