In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
