just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
