the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
