well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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