You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
