o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just high enough for therapy.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
