There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
