if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Randomize
