Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
