hell yes lets make some ravioli
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Randomize
