i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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