she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize