So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
