Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
