i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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